"Training" an AI companion suggests the software gradually learns your preferences, like a pet. The reality has more parts: a few levers change behaviour immediately, some change it slowly for everyone, and some mostly make you feel involved.
What actually shapes a reply
Every reply is generated from what the model can see at that moment - the mechanism in how an AI companion writes its reply:
- The character's description and settings.
- Stored memories and summaries retrieved for this conversation.
- The recent conversation itself.
- The underlying model, as the company last updated it.
Your feedback matters to the extent that it changes one of those four.
The levers, from strongest to weakest
Change what the model reads, not how it feels about you.
| Lever | What it changes | How fast | How strong |
|---|---|---|---|
| Editing the character description | Instructions read before every reply | Immediately | Strong and lasting |
| Editing a reply | The conversation the model copies from | Next replies | Strong while it stays in view |
| Memory notes | Facts retrieved into future chats | From next retrieval | Strong for facts, weak for style |
| Out-of-character notes | The current scene | Immediately | Fades as the chat grows |
| Regenerating | Only this one reply | Immediately | None beyond this reply |
| Ratings (thumbs, stars) | Usually data for future model updates | Weeks or months, if at all | Weak for your character |
Edit, do not argue
Arguing in character - "you're not acting like yourself" - rarely works, because the argument itself becomes part of the conversation the model copies. Editing a reply into what the character should have said gives the model a correct example to follow. If your app allows editing, it is the most useful habit you can build.
Put style in the description, facts in memory
- Style - tone, sentence length, humour, how affectionate she is - belongs in the character description, because it must apply to every reply. Our character builder guide covers which fields matter.
- Facts - your job, your dog's name, what happened last week - belong in memory, which is retrieved when relevant.
Mixing them up causes problems: style notes in memory are retrieved inconsistently, and long lists of facts in the description crowd out personality.
What ratings are really for
In most apps, ratings feed the company's data for improving models, often across all users. That can be worth doing - you are helping future versions - but it is not a direct line to your character. Some apps say ratings influence your companion specifically; even there, the effect is gradual and much weaker than an edited description.
Check the privacy policy if you care: rating a reply may mark that conversation for review or training, which is a privacy trade-off. See who reads your AI companion chats.
A weekly tune-up
- Note two things you liked and one thing that annoyed you this week.
- Turn the annoyance into a positive instruction in the description ("She answers in short, dry sentences" rather than "Don't ramble").
- Add any new important facts to memory.
- Start a fresh chat if the old one has drifted - long conversations accumulate habits, as personality drift explains.
The companion does not learn you the way a person does. But it reads you every time - through its description, its memory and your recent words. Change what it reads, and you change who it is.